Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
