I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize