so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
