New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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