do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
