That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
