Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
