Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
