i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this hospital has no fireball
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
