So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Welp...herpes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
