apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
