you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boobs speak an international language.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
