I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
