Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
