You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
