i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
