So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
