You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
