Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
