so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I touched a dick in church today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
