new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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