my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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