woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
