Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
