i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
