Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
