I think i sorta joined a cult last night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
