I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
