Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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