I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
