Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
