Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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