What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
