I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
