Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
