my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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