oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
