Please, let me fuck your mom
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
