Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
