My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
