Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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