they need to just BURY HIM!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
