it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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