carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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