look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Four minutes until I can fart!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
