just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
