How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
