This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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