It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
