i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
