Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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