i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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