You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
