my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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