Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize