Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
