Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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