We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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