I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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