I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
