I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
