I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
