is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You left your phone here
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