I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
