Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
