you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
