I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
