If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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