Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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