Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
