how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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