Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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