I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
