Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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