This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
