Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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