1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
