I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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