i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
