Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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