I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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