Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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