Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
