Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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