My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
