Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
